My Journey Through Anxiety

I have struggled with anxiety for years. It comes and goes through different seasons of my life.

I attend—and work at—a pretty large church, and I genuinely love it. I look forward to going to work every week. I especially love Sundays, seeing the kids and leaders having so much fun worshiping God.

Ironically, the thing that triggers my anxiety isn't serving at church—it's attending the worship service.

Our church has two auditoriums: the North and the South. The South Auditorium is part of the original building and is much smaller than the North. I can attend the South service with no anxiety at all. I love it.

But when I walk into the North Auditorium, my anxiety kicks in, and everything in me wants to leave.

The interesting part?

I believe God is leading me back to the North.

That means I have some things to work through.

I Don't Want to Stay Stuck

I'm a fixer.

I don't want to live in anxiety and fear week after week. I want to work through it so I can be used by God in whatever He calls me to do. If you are in Christ, that's what we're here for—to live for His Kingdom.

That's why I've started seeing a counselor who is helping me navigate this season.

More importantly, I've invited God into the process, and He is faithfully leading me every step of the way.

But healing takes work.

It's not easy to revisit parts of your past that may be contributing to your anxiety. Yet that's where growth happens.

That's where change happens.

That's where freedom is found.

I've also been reading a lot and listening to sermons about anxiety (I'll share some of my favorites below).

One thing I feel God leading me to do is write.

Ironically, writing is one of the things I least want to do, which probably means that's exactly where God wants to grow me—just like He's growing me by leading me back into the North Auditorium.

I started this blog because I felt God calling me to do it, not because it felt comfortable. Thankfully, my counselor has helped me understand why writing feels so difficult for me.

What God Has Been Showing Me

I've discovered that I worry far too much about what other people think of me.

If I'm honest, I've probably always known this, but I've never really addressed it.

Questions like these constantly run through my mind:

• Will people read this and think less of me?
• Will they think I'm a bad leader?
• Will they think I'm weak?

Sometimes I'll say something to someone in the morning, and then as I'm trying to fall asleep that night, I'll replay the conversation over and over, wondering why I said what I did.

"That was so stupid."

Maybe you've done that too.

I've realized that what I think people think about me has had far too much influence over my life.

The truth is...

Most of the things we think people are thinking about us probably aren't true.

So whenever I feel God prompting me to write about my anxiety—or anything personal—the very first battle I fight is worrying about what people will think.

Two Books That Have Helped Me

During this season, I've been reading two incredible books.

The first is Attacking Anxiety: From Panicked and Depressed to Alive and Free by Pastor Shawn Johnson of Red Rocks Church.

The second is Winning the War in Your Mind by Pastor Craig Groeschel. (If you have Audible, it's included with many memberships!)

To save a little typing, I'll refer to Pastor Shawn as PS and Pastor Craig as PC from here on out. 😊

Both books have been incredibly helpful, but I wanted to share a few truths that have really jump-started my journey toward freedom.

Three Truths Everyone Needs to Hear

In his book, Pastor Shawn shares three truths that everyone struggling with anxiety needs to remember.

You are not crazy.

You are not alone.

This will end.

Those words spoke directly to my heart.

When anxiety hits, my first thought is usually:

"What's wrong with me?"

"Why can't I stop this?"

Then loneliness creeps in because it feels like I'm the only one experiencing it.

But that's one of anxiety's greatest lies.

Creating a Trench of Truth

One of the biggest takeaways from PC's book was the idea of creating a "Trench of Truth."

He explains that if we simply stop a behavior, it often comes back unless we:

• Remove the lie at the root of the behavior.
• Replace it with a new neural pathway built on truth.

As my counselor and I talked about this, something clicked.

The phrase "Trench of Truth" immediately reminded me of Moses and the Red Sea.

I pictured God parting the waters so the Israelites could safely walk through on dry ground. Once they crossed, God closed the waters behind them, and the enemy could no longer reach them.

That's exactly how I want God's truth to work in my life.

When I fill my mind with His truth instead of my fears, it's like standing behind those walls of water. His truth becomes a barrier that keeps the enemy's lies from taking hold in my heart.

Instead of believing fear, I choose to believe what God says about me.

I am a child of God.

I am fully accepted and deeply loved by Him.

I will not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present my requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6–7)

God fills me with His joy and His peace.

I choose not to let Satan win.

I choose to let God fill my heart with His truth instead of believing the enemy's lies.

It's Okay to Ask for Help

Mental health is real, friends.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting help from a trained professional.

In fact, I think if we were all a little more honest, many more of us would raise our hands and say,

"That's me."

PS shares in his book that nearly half of Americans will experience a mental health condition during their lifetime, citing information from the CDC. Whether it's anxiety, depression, or another struggle, the reality is that many people are quietly carrying heavy burdens.

Wherever you go, you're surrounded by people who may be fighting battles you know nothing about.

The next time you're standing in line at your favorite coffee shop, take a look around.

Someone beside you may be struggling too.

Let's choose compassion.

Let's choose kindness.

Let's remind people they aren't alone.

What Is Your Trench of Truth?

I hope something in my story encourages you today.

If you feel comfortable, I'd love for you to share in the comments:

What is your "Trench of Truth"?

What truth from God's Word do you hold onto when anxiety, fear, or discouragement tries to take over?

Let's encourage one another with God's truth. ❤️

Here are some of my favorite sermons on anxiety, not in any special order.